Time Warp Tuesday: Left Behind
Posted: August 14, 2012 Filed under: Blogging, Family | Tags: grandmother, loss, time warp Tuesday 11 Comments
It’s Time Warp Tuesday again, and I’m actually on the ball this time around!
This month the theme is Left Behind. Kathy says, Look for a blog entry in your archives where you wrote about what it feels like to live on after the death of a loved one.
I cried writing that post; I’m crying now after reading it again. Grandma Inez’s memorial service was August 5, in Rhode Island. Ian and I had originally intended to go, bringing Abby with us, but after discussing it and thinking about it, we took that time we had set aside for the trip and spent a week with my mother and stepfather. Because I wasn’t just feeling selfish when I wrote that post, I was being honest.
My father has never really cared about me, or Ian, and he doesn’t want to talk about Abby. When I called him to tell him we’d decided against coming to Rhode Island, the call dropped. He didn’t call me back, and hasn’t called me since. He didn’t call me then; he doesn’t call me now. And it’s fine.
I do have people in my family who love me and are always proud of me no matter what. I have Ian, and I have Abby, and I have my siblings, and I have my stepfather and my mother.
And that person I want to be when I grow up? The one who loves you unconditionally the way you are and is always proud and happy to see you? I am that person. I love my family and I love my friends.
I am going to make pillows for them, because that’s what Grandma Inez taught me to do when you love someone.
R. Sativus 
Thank you for doing the Time Warp again this week/month and sharing your experience with being “left behind.” I was so moved by the post you chose to reflect on about your Grandma’s death. I too was close with my grandmothers who both passed away in 2000, the year that I was married, but before our wedding day. I learned so much about love from them too and try to live my life in a way that would make them proud.
I really appreciate your need and ability to do what is best for you and your family. So often I/we do what we think others want for and expect us to do. It takes a strong person to be true to yourself. I am proud of you April. Go forth and make pillows! I believe that Grandma Inez would want you to do too! xoxo
That is just it, Kathy. I know they’re proud of me, and I thank you for your encouragement as well!
Oh, gosh. I’m so sorry about your father’s words (or lack of) and behavior toward you.
You sound much MUCH more like your Grandma Inez.
Thanks, Lori, I appreciate it.
So beautifully written. When my father passed away I remember having similar feelings. I have never been close to my mom (my parents were divorced when I was young) and with him I knew and felt his love. I remember thinking when he was gone that I no longer had anyone that thought everything about who I was and what I did was “just terrifc.” He was a sports lover. In the summer I like to listen to baseball games on tv at night to think of him.
Happy for you that you chose that time to spend with those who give love to you.
Oh yeah! I love pillows to and DAd always had a stack of them watching baseball. I think pillows are love.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I’m glad you had your dad.
Aww April I am go glad you are following in her footsteps and making pillows. I remember reading that post and thinking how much you are like her. She would be proud.
That means a lot, thanks Emily.
While I did not participate, I was prompted to go back and read the blog I wrote when mom had cancer and subsequently died. Wow…the things I wrote were intense in spots, and brought me back to that moment. Thank you for the prompt!
I love Time Warping. Glad you joined in the spirit!
I’m so sorry that your father hasn’t been the kind of father that every child deserves … but glad that you’ve had Grandma Inez as a role model. The person who loves unconditionally? I’d rather be that person, too. xo.