The Horror

Last night I was the first one to hop into bed. I got on my side and threw Ian’s cover back toward his side from where it ended up during Abby’s jump fest that afternoon.

You know how when you’re at the beach, and you’re packing up, and you pick up towels and they’re crunchy from all the sand? That’s what the bed felt like, and the comforter when I grabbed it and launched it across my body.

The crunchies? Those were ants. Definitely hundreds, for sure thousands, goodness-only-knows-how-many sugar and fire ants.

I jumped up, ever so thankful that Ian hadn’t laid down yet, screaming at him ‘out, out, OUT!!’ I know I scared him, but omg I had to get to the shower. He got out of my way, and I turned the water on and rubbed myself down like crazy.

Holy crap, that was a lot of ants.

I came out without bothering to towel off, and Ian was bundling everything up in the bottom sheet. I grabbed the bundle and told him to stop before I threw it all in the washer.

Ian is really, really allergic to ants. If he’d gotten the hundred-plus bites I got last night, he probably wouldn’t have made it to the hospital. So yeah, I didn’t want him touching any of that.

We filled up two 55 gallon trashbags of pillows, bedding, and clothes that I took outside and put in the empty kiddie pool. Gonna have a good ole time at the laundromat this afternoon after naptime.

Ian found a small hole under the carpet in the closet that they probably came from that he filled with rubber cement, because hey, that’s what we had.

When we thought they were all dead or captured and outside, we took a break and Ian counted my stings. He estimated 85, but it was hard to get an exact count with all the swelling. Around 60 are on my left butt cheek, so driving around delivering my papers this morning was not enjoyable. I have another 14 on my right hand, but at least I’m lefthanded. The rest are distributed everywhere else, like my neck, boobs, legs, and one on the bottom of my left foot. Now that they’re blistering, it seems he underestimated. I’ve got three and four in many spots that we only counted as two.

We were going to sleep on the couch and love seat, but after two hours, there were no more creepy crawlies under the bed, on my side, on his side, under the carpet in the closet, or in the water heater closet.

We decided to chance it. I snuck into Abby’s room for a fresh sheet, and Ian slept under camouflage while I had Sailor Moon. I joked that it smelled like we were at a hotel, because the covers had been in a chest for so long, and there was still a faint lingering odor of lemon-scented ant spray.

So today, the cleanup begins. But nap first.


7 Comments on “The Horror”

  1. tigger62077 says:

    My skin is crawling just reading this – me and my large fear of ants. I recall, when we lived on the second floor of an apt complex, that we had a sugar ant invasion. Every night before we went to bed, Aaron had to clean off the dresser and clean out the top drawer. It happened to be where I kept candy, but after the first night we removed it and they still showed up for a week! They also infested the second bedroom for a while. Seriously – second floor. And not in the kitchen, not one!

    We have an infestation here every year. It starts with the little ones and they just get bigger until we have ones you can see crawling across the carpet from across the room. Last year it was flying ones – on any given day we killed about 2 dozen in the front living room. We would try to find where we thought they were coming in, trap it/borax poison it, This year, while redoing the ceiling…we found a nest. OMG a nest, in my ceiling, right above where I sit! The guy took it outside, “raid” sprayed the rest and do you know, very few ants since then!

    • April says:

      Oh, that’s horrible! We used to get fleas every summer and have to spray and powder and vacuum and bathe, but I’m hoping last summer’s heat wave cooked em for good. We haven’t seen any since 2010.

  2. jjiraffe says:

    How terrifying!!! That’s a lot of bites 😦 I hope you recover soon.

  3. OMG!!!! My skin is crawling and I am itching all over! That is crazy! I hope your bites heal soon.

  4. […] years ago today I had an HSG while I had what felt like a million ant bites on my […]


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