Good Times and Noodle Salad

I have a bad bobo on my finger and it hurts but I’m here because I love you. 

Also because I put earplugs in because they block out the cold cruel world and calm me down and make me feel better. 

I had the worst customer tonight. He was a jerk on the phone, he gave the wrong hotel room number, and then he wouldn’t answer his phone when I found out he gave the wrong room number. I know it was his fault because I was standing next to the girl who took his order, and she verified the number he said twice. 

Anyway, he didn’t answer, and he didn’t give his last name so the front desk couldn’t help me. So I headed back to the store. 

And when I was on my way back to the store, my manager called me because he called the store back. He threw a fit with her because she said sorry we’re closed after her greeting. Like, dude, we are closed. And you would be eating already if you weren’t so high. And then he argued about his room number, but she finally got it. 

So I went back to the right room. Dude was gonna be in some serious shit if he had the number wrong again. 

It was right. 

Anyway, dude had a chair pulled up to his open hotel door. His butt was planted so firmly in that chair that he didn’t get up to take his drink, he didn’t get up to throw a fit about the drink he ordered, he didn’t get up to take his pizza, and he didn’t get up to sign his first name only on his credit card receipt. 

And by the time I got back to the store, about four minutes, he’d already called and griped enough that my manager refunded his money

I can’t stand people like that. Plus he was stoned! He should have been much more chill. 


An Imprudent Query

Today’s Daily Prompt:

What question do you hate to be asked? Why?

That’s an easy one.

What’s wrong?

Oh, the pressure! The agony! The despair!

I absolutely loathe to be asked what’s wrong; if something actually does happen to be wrong, it’s a surefire road to tears. If all is well, however, you may have just earned yourself a smart comment for your troubles.

I hate this question. Hate it. It’s a lose-lose.

When something is wrong, if I’m able to talk about it with you, I will. If I’m not, chances are it’s because I’m literally physically incapable of doing so. Yes, literally. By asking me what’s wrong, you’ve brought all of my emotions to the surface, where my words strangle on them. If I’m lucky, I can stare awkwardly at you, in silence, for minutes on end, holding back the flood of tears. I know that if I make the attempt to speak, I won’t succeed; I’ll sob like an eight-year-old who wakes to discover her bike was stolen while she slept peacefully in her bed.

If you’ve ever wondered about the validity of idioms like choked up or speechless, let me assure you that they are, in fact, inexhaustibly demonstrable. They unquestionably define me during the moments following a nice round of what’s wrong.

But it isn’t solely the original problem that’s distressed me so much. You’ve made a request of me, a request that I am unable to honor. I’m letting you down by not answering, and I’m letting myself down by letting you down. The troubles multiply exponentially.

If I am visibly upset, please, by all that’s holy, don’t ask that dreaded question. It will only make things harder on both of us. I will be more upset by the wrongness that is, and you will be mortified to have caused the nervous breakdown that inevitably occurs immediately afterward. At least, I would hope so. If you don’t care about the answer, then you shouldn’t have asked in the first place.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, you may ask me what’s wrong when I am perfectly fine. In this case, I will begin by giving you that look. You know the one. The one that lets you know quite hastily that you are a complete and total idiot. If you fail to comprehend the look, you may be in for a treat. No; the people of average intelligence surrounding you are in a for a treat. I have been told more than once that it is entertainment at its finest to witness my skills at explaining to the imbecilic precisely how moronic they really are, without ever using words they can understand.

Oh, my. I have just revealed my fatal flaw. I cannot abide willful stupidity.

If you get the look and are immediately contrite, the issue may drop. If you insist on pursuing this avenue, I may bombard you with stereotypical feminist propaganda: Why must I wear makeup every day? Why must I smile every second? Why must I answer to you about any of this at all? My voice will be dripping with venom, and if I don’t like you, my sneer may drive you to tears of your own.

I’d love to boast that I’m not proud of these moments, but honesty prompts me to provide a caveat: I’m mostly not proud of these moments, but I can be a horribly small, petty person.

As can we all.