Yes! I’m participating in another Time Warp Tuesday, hosted by the lovely and talented Kathy. This week we’re talking about blogging.
I was determined to participate when I saw this week’s topic, but I thought I might have been biting off more than I could chew once I got into my archives and realized that it was actually a pretty difficult decision to pick just one. But I did.
I wrote this less than a month after I started this blog, and although I’ve rewritten it in several ways since then, the core idea remains. I love writing for itself, for the pure joy of it, but it’s even better when it’s for a purpose.
I have immeasurably more purpose to my writing now than I did such a short time ago.
Of course, I have the purpose I began with, just to get it all out. I don’t think I had any idea there was so much in there in the first place! So many trials and tribulations that have led to where I am today, so much pain and heartache that I’m volunteering to display. And to what purpose?
To better understand myself.
To better understand others.
To better understand why.
To explore my own conceit. I can’t help but consider how conceited I sound, talking of my ideals and trying to be the person I never was able to be before, the person who would dare to speak up.
But the more I revisit this theme, the more I think that maybe that’s who I’ve been all along. Even when I was the child who couldn’t go ask the neighbors for help when my mom broke her ankle because I was too shy. Even when I was the teenager who bowed to peer pressure way more than was good for me, just to fit in. Even when I met the man I knew I’d marry, but was still too shy to say anything to him about how I felt.
Even though I was never able to be the person who could stand up to the bullies and make them back down, I could always be the person to be there for their victims and make sure they knew they weren’t alone. And isn’t that all I’m doing now, with our own bodies being both the bully and the victim?
I may still be painfully shy on the outside, but I’m not alone. And you’re not alone. Isn’t that what blogging is all about?
As I’ve said before, I’ve been writing since I could. I love writing. I also love making new (Internet) friends. And I love learning about myself, which I really believe you should never stop doing, as long as you want to.
In the whopping three months since I started this blog, I have come to know and love so many of you. I feel connected enough to hope and dream with you, and I feel comfortable enough to know that you understand when I have to step back for a bit.
But I’m still afraid. So many of you have told me to feel free to email you of I need anything, if there’s anything you can do, if I just need someone to talk to. And believe me, sometimes I want to, so badly. But I’m still afraid.
It’s like only two kinds of people exist in my world, ‘me fix,’ and ‘ew, cooties.’ I know in my heart that you don’t fit those molds, that no one does exactly, but it is such a huge undertaking to change one’s entire worldview.
It doesn’t even make sense to me, and it’s my explanation. Because I can’t even say that I divide all the real life people I know into those two categories. My sister and I didn’t always get along, it’s oh so true, but she has been the one person that I can turn to in the past year who will just listen, not fix, not run.
I don’t know what I’m really trying to say, except thank you for having the potential to be that way, even if I never give you the opportunity to prove it. Thank you for making me feel welcome when I can’t make myself feel welcome. Thank you for being such wonderful, amazing people. Thank you for being my friends.
‘No one should feel alone, no one should feel hopeless and no one should feel helpless. If each one of us spread compassion think of what a beautiful, caring, loving and peaceful world we would live in.’
This is a day I can really stand behind with pride. I try to spread compassion every day, to lead by example. I don’t do much, in the grand scheme of things, but little things can do so much for someone who is hurting.
I wish, for just one day, everyone could be kind to everyone else. Hold a door open, pick up a dropped item, or call your friend who seems a little down on Facebook, instead of just commenting or doing nothing.
We have become too suspicious of people ‘just being nice.’ The culture of fear that so many of us live in today is crushing the spirit of compassion that is so necessary to making any society livable.
Just be nice today. You never know how much your small kindnesses can affect another person.
You can read more about Worldwide Spread Compassion Day here.