Today

It’s Mother’s Day here in the US; for the first time in ten years, it hasn’t been a day of grieving my infertility. 

It feels good and it feels bad. Bittersweet, and I hate that word. It’s my husband’s first Mother’s Day without his mother, and I hurt for him. I’m sorry, Ian. 

But it hasn’t hurt me not being a mother today like it has in years past. I don’t know how to explain; I can’t put words to it. Can I?

I’ve let it go. Today is a day, just as yesterday and tomorrow. What happens, happens. 

It isn’t throwing in the towel. It’s being present and being able to appreciate what I do have, rather than shed tears of longing for what I have not.