I’ve been slacking on my blog stuff, but lemme give you this public service announcement for people who menstruate.

If at all possible, schedule surgery as far away from cycle day one as you can. I was back on pain meds like I just woke up from anesthesia. It was horrible. I hate you so much, estrogen.

Also, my sweetie ordered me a present from Amazon. It’s a handy dandy pulse oximeter on a lanyard, so if I start huffing and puffing I can check my oxygen level and reassure him that I’m okay.

For an Inquiring Mind

My sister shared an article on Facebook earlier about New York considering making tampons free in public restrooms, which is cool and all, but I clicked on a suggested article and immediately felt the twitching in my fingertips that meant I must respond. Fair warning: it’s all about the DivaCup. If you are squicked out by period stuff, click away. It will get a tad gross if you’re squeamish.

The article is titled 11 Questions I Want To Ask Women Who Use The DivaCup. Melissa, I could answer you there if you had a comment section. Maybe you’ll see this one day. Maybe not. Maybe I’ll just answer these questions for someone else who’s dying to know. Whatever, it’s cool.

1. How do you pull it out without inciting a bloodbath?

In a word, physics. In more words and phrases, it’s rarely full to the brim when I pull it out. I mean, it’s actually big enough to contain most of an entire menstrual flow. There just isn’t that much in it most of the time. Also, cup isn’t just a fancy word. It comes out like a regular old cup, as in, the opening is opposite the pull of gravity. Don’t turn it upside down until you’re ready to dump it, and you’re golden.

2. What happens when it fills up?

I recommend removing it in the bathtub if you know it’s full. This has happened to me three times, but listen up, that’s not normal! The DivaCup holds an ounce. A whole ounce is way past heavy flow. An ounce is two super plus tampons. If you experience this and are unaware that you have a medical condition that will cause this (in my case, PCOS), see your doctor now. But if that’s going to happen, you will expect it. So what happens? In your words, a bloodbath.

3. What the hell is going on in the public bathroom?

Regular usage. A DivaCup is not a tampon. You can take it out and put it back whenever you want without the dry dragginess of a fresh tampon. So if I’m going to be out of the house when I will need to dump my cup, I simply do it before I leave. I have never removed my DivaCup anywhere but at home.

4. What is going on with your fingernails?

Not much. I wash my hands. It’s not dried blood under there, so it washes right off with soap and water. No biggie.

5. What’s in the cup?

Ratio of solid to liquid? That’s really an individual thing. Also a cycle-to-cycle thing. It just depends.

6. Is this thing going in the dishwasher?

No. Didn’t you read the FAQ? And yes, I do remove debris from the seal-creating holes with a toothpick. I don’t want that rotting in there. There’s my line, you’ve found it! I don’t want to put rotten blood into my vagina, that’s gross. Ew.

7. What about the smell?

Nope, doesn’t smell. If it smells you should probably get a new one or review your cleaning procedures.

8. What if I can’t get it out? What if it falls out?

Mine has never fallen out, although I have, on occasion, had difficulty retrieving it, especially in the morning. Sometimes it creeps up. Don’t worry, just take a break, have a cup of coffee or whatever, and try again in half an hour or so. It does creep back down to where it belongs.

9. Are o.b. tampons the gateway drug to the DivaCup?

Not in my case. I only used obs once, when I got a free sample. I had placement issues with them. I just jumped into DivaCup full force. I didn’t even have a learning curve.

10. Do you miss shopping for ‘feminine hygiene’ every month or two?

I’m probably not the right person to answer this question for the average Jane. I never shopped for ‘feminine hygiene’ regularly. I would be thrilled if, for the first time in the twenty-one years I’ve been menstruating, I needed to do so. Again, PCOS. But even only buying tampons a couple times a year made me angry. This is a necessary product that we have to pay through the nose for. Not cool.

11. Do you think I’m kind of a terrible person?

Not for your views on the DivaCup. You may want to brush up on your knowledge of the female reproductive system, however, if you  truly believe that menstruation equals fertility.