When Art Imitates Life

15 AUG

RE: Store Organization

As the longstanding CEO of this company, it has come to my attention that our merchandise displays could use a bit of tweaking. During a recent store visit, I noticed that all of our expensive jewelry is locked up under glass, while the plated items are available for the customers to handle unsupervised. Aren’t we going about this the wrong way? I’m sure they’d much rather touch all over the real stuff, and we can keep the cheap stuff in the cases so it doesn’t tarnish so quickly. Let’s put this in motion immediately.

17 AUG

RE: RE: Store Organization

So I’ve been thinking about this a little bit more, and I’ve come up with another fabulous idea. We keep all the highly breakable items at adult eye level. Wouldn’t it be just great if we put them down lower so the kids could see them too?  Get this done.

18 AUG

RE: RE: RE: Store Organization

When I said put the breakables a little bit lower, I mean a lot lower, actually. Like the bottom shelf, where the toddlers can grab ’em right off and smash ’em on the floor. That’ll get some attention!

19 AUG

RE: RE: RE: RE: Store Organization

I just thought of this: when we’re putting the jewelry out on the counter, let’s don’t lock up the back stock. Bulk those displays so we have thousands of dollars worth of product ready to walk out the door!

22 AUG

RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Store Organization

Hey, guys, while I was enjoying my long, hard weekend off, I was drinking a nice glass of wine and thought, what about the soap bubble thin wine glasses? Why do we keep those safely on shelves where nothing behind them with an uneven bottom surface can topple over and knock them to the floor? Move the wine glasses to a less secure location pronto.

24 AUG

RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Store Organization

Remember how we lowered that breakable stuff? Let’s put a whole bunch of it right where the customers like to throw their purses and other shopping bags so it’s fun for the whole family and not just the kids! Leave the low stuff, of course. And then we can put some more glass stuff where they can kick it! This is gonna be so great.

25 AUG

RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Store Organization

ONE MORE THING!! FILL THAT WALL WITH CHRISTMAS STUFF BUT DON’T PUT THE TREE UP UNTIL NEXT MONTH. It’s way too early for Christmas trees.

26 AUG

RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Store Organization

Be sure to tell the stores that this all needs to be done by Monday, but don’t bother sending the schematics out until at least the following week. Maybe even the week after. That’ll keep ’em on their toes!

2 SEP

RE: Announcement

While this company has always prided itself on innovation and being receptive to new ideas, the recent changes to store organization have been put on hold indefinitely while our CEO goes on a well-deserved vacation. Internal applications for temporary CEO will be taken for the next four business days, after which interviews will commence.

We hope to have nipped any extreme changes in the bud with our proactive response. Thank you for your patience during this strenuous time.