It’s Time for Bubble Guppies!

It’s Molly!

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I think I’m getting the hang of this pumpkin carving thing.


Halloween Behind-the-Scenes, After the Fact

Throughout October, and indeed, most of September, I was super excited about Halloween. What with it being a Monday and all, we didn’t have to worry about not being able to take our daughter trick-or-treating. Free candy!

We’d tossed around costume ideas, zombie, cat (meow being one of her first words), even me as Rainbow Brite and her as a sprite. We settled on zombie baby, as that would be fun for the whole family!

Then, suddenly, it was Halloween. And I was not so excited anymore. As the afternoon wore on, I got more and more upset. I was in the middle of a four-day headache, so that wasn’t helping too much either.

When my husband asked what was wrong, when I was crying on the couch in the middle of too-short second naptime, I was too chicken to say what I felt. I didn’t say ‘you take her and go trick-or-treating, since you have a kid to do that with. I’ll stay home and feel sorry for myself.’

And right at that minute, there was a not-so-small part of me that wanted exactly that. That wanted to stay home alone and pity party til the cows came home. That wanted to say this horrible mean thing and hurt him because I was hurting so much. That wanted to be left behind while fun was had elsewhere because that’s all I deserve.

But.

I didn’t say any of that. I copped out with ‘I’m just upset.’ A crappy answer to any question, ever. So I hated myself for saying it. And he told me we weren’t going, because my head hurt and I was upset, which of course made me feel even worse.

But.

Our little zombie decided it was time to get up, and my husband told me to stop crying, pull up my big girl panties, and do some damn makeup. Okay, he didn’t use thoseexact words, but the meaning was clear.

I am so grateful that sometimes it works out that someone is there to tell me exactly what I need to hear, exactly when I need to hear it.

So I makeupped my little heart out.

20111104-173544.jpgYum, brains!

20111104-173810.jpgTaking pictures is serious bidness.

And we hit up the mall. We hadn’t gotten ‘trick or treat’ down at all, but at least she’s got a pretty strong ‘thank you.’ And a pretty quick hand to reach into your candy bowl when you dared to only shell out five pieces.

It went pretty well. She had a ‘hi!’ for all the little vampires and fairies and ladybugs. We almost made a full circuit before crankiness got the best of her, so I started candy bribes to get us back to the car with our hearing intact. Don’t judge me! She is piercing.

We stopped and picked up a pizza on the way home. Bye-bye, candy, and pizza all in one day? It doesn’t get any better.

And by nine o’clock my husband was the only one awake, in spite of the sugar highs.

So yes, I will be the first one to admit that sometimes I really do just need someone to slap me in the face and scream ‘snap out of it!’ Because I can’t do it myself; I’ll always choose the pity party.


And After Calming Down a Bit…

I’ve been home a few hours now, and had a chance to calm down a bit after all the fun I had this morning. It’s time to be more realistic. How am I going to make it four weeks? The same way I made it the last four weeks, or four months, or four years. One manageable unit of time at a time.

Right now it’s minutes, because I’m trying to avoid thinking about my husband having to go to work in two and a half hours…

And after a nap that wasn’t nearly long enough, here I am to finish this post.

I don’t know. I probably sounded like I expected everything to be all better when I left there this morning, but I didn’t really expect that, although it sure would have been nice!

I did not expect to have to wait another month to see a counselor, and that part really was disappointing. But what can I do?

I do feel a small bit better. Although I’ll be seeing someone else for counseling, I liked the social worker I talked to this morning, and I was able to tell her things that I may never be able to talk about here. So I guess that was a start.


Jack O’Lantern Time!

I think that last year I set the bar pretty high for myself.

20111027-220008.jpgWe love us some Super Mario.

This year, I’d planned on a cat, because they’re Halloweeny, we have cats, and it just sounded like a good idea. After checking out some ideas, we decided on this bat-winged little guy.

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Unfortunately, as I was working on the second cutout, we had a fatality.

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I had to finish with a steak knife. I imagine it would have been tons easier with one of my mom’s super awesome slice-your-hand-off-if-you-look-away steak knives, but hey, what else could I do? My kitchen isn’t exactly overflowing with pumpkin-carving paraphernalia.

And so, tomorrow will bring my absolute favorite part of Halloween…roasted pumpkin seeds. They are the best snack ever. Or maybe a meal, if you have enough. Plus I have a bit of pumpkin to cook up and throw in some oatmeal or cookies or something. I’m looking forward to that, too.

Did you carve a jack o’lantern? What’s your favorite fall snack?