Breaktime

gray catWhen she returned to her room from the bathroom, Claire left her door open just a hair, barely enough for her cat, Caroline, to nudge it the rest of the way open. Caroline moseyed in and made her way to Claire at her desk, where she rubbed her side against Claire’s leg until she reached down to pick her up and nuzzle her face into Caroline’s soft gray fur.

“You’re right, sweetie, it’s time for a break,” Claire said. She softly closed her laptop and scooted her chair back, hugging the cat closer as she stood. Once on the stairs, Caroline struggled for freedom, so Claire let her leap to the landing and continued down on her own.

Her sister Melissa was in the kitchen, mixing something foul in the blender. “Mom needs more sugar if you’re going to the store today,” she announced.

“I’ll go to the store if you stop with the stupid smoothie diet,” answered Claire.

Melissa shrugged. “I’ve lost three pounds this month AND my hair has never been healthier. Pick me up some bananas and kale?”

Claire shook her head and trudged to the fridge, where she perused for long enough to let her stomach growl Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. She finally selected the last slice of leftover pizza and decided against microwaving it. Caroline trotted in to see if Claire was eating anything good, but since she was not a fan of veggie pizza, she continued on to her food bowl.

Wiping the crumbs from her hands, Claire grabbed her purse from the kitchen counter and checked her front pocket for her phone. She slid into a pair of flip flops by the front door and snagged her keys from the hook and was out the door before she could talk herself into giving Melissa a piece of her mind.

“Kale, bananas, sugar,” she muttered to herself as she started her car. She wondered if she herself needed anything, but came up with nothing. Claire shrugged. At least the grocery store was only a few blocks away, and she could browse until she figured out what she was cooking for dinner. Tonight was her night to cook for the three of them.

***

Well, I guess it’s about time to get back into this. OLWG #68 You wanna know something even weirder? Today is exactly one year since I participated. Spooky.

 


The Break is (Almost) Over

The new year is coming soon, and it’s also time for us to start a new chapter in our TTC story. It’s CD21 today, so the plan right now is basically just looking at the calendar to decide when we want to throw some more money at this whole infertility thing. Then I’ll start a round of provera so I can try letrozole next cycle.

It’s kind of funny, I plan and plot so much when and how and what the next step will be, but I never actually think about what would happen if something worked. Surely, if I had no faith at all that something would work, I wouldn’t put myself through this. Surely, if I had no hope at all, I would stop trying. Right?

Surely.

I don’t know. I really don’t. I know this is easy to say now, but if we were childfree, I would be okay with being childfree. But we’re not. And being a part-time mom just makes me want even more to be a full-time mom. I don’t want to share. I feel like that sounds horribly selfish, but I don’t care.

I really do not understand at all how my mother could send my sister and I across the country every year for the whole summer. Especially after that summer she came to pick us up and our toothbrushes were still packed. My dad was not a big hygiene enforcer. Heck, he didn’t even tell us to bathe, hopefully just because we swam so much.

I’m way off subject.

Anyway…I have an OB/GYN who will prescribe me letrozole, and then tamoxifen if that doesn’t work. Maybe I’ll go back to the women’s clinic when (if) they replace the RE who abandoned me. Still debating on filing a complaint with the state Board of Review over that debacle. Either way, 2012 is covered.

And then I’ll be 35.

Maybe that’ll be the cutoff. Maybe we’ll see how this next year goes and decide from there. I’m so tired of the waiting.

Six years is a long time.