Today

It’s Mother’s Day here in the US; for the first time in ten years, it hasn’t been a day of grieving my infertility. 

It feels good and it feels bad. Bittersweet, and I hate that word. It’s my husband’s first Mother’s Day without his mother, and I hurt for him. I’m sorry, Ian. 

But it hasn’t hurt me not being a mother today like it has in years past. I don’t know how to explain; I can’t put words to it. Can I?

I’ve let it go. Today is a day, just as yesterday and tomorrow. What happens, happens. 

It isn’t throwing in the towel. It’s being present and being able to appreciate what I do have, rather than shed tears of longing for what I have not. 

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5 Comments on “Today”

  1. susieshy45 says:

    April,
    I read just two days back that when you let life take its course, without getting emotional about it or even anything about it, that’s when things begin to happen.
    Happy Day, my friend !
    Susie

  2. drunkstorks says:

    I think it’s a really big step internally, as an individual, to release the anxiety/hurt/pain/etc around the Hallmark day. And even if short lived, I’m glad it wasn’t a painful one for you and for you and your hubby as a couple. Happy Tuesday 🙂


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