Envy at the Water’s EdgePosted: August 8, 2015
I watched out my window. The couple was walking on the beach again.
I watched them every day. Almost every day. Sometimes, like when it rained, they didn’t show.
But mostly, yeah, every day.
I wish that could be me, in a way.
I think that I wish that I wish it could be me. I don’t really want it badly enough to actually wish it, but it would be nice to have that option instead of what I do have.
I have these four walls.
I know that it’s a choice. I’m not physically trapped. I’m not a captive of anything but my own fear. See? I can be as rational as the next agoraphobic.
I don’t wish anything. It’s too unpredictable out there. I don’t understand how everyone else in the world has such profound faith in gravity. How do you know it won’t just switch off while you’re out there with nothing to catch you, nothing to keep you from falling into forever?
It’s safer to stay inside. My fear is my shield from uncertain death.
I don’t want to fall forever.
I think it might be time for my pill. They’re walking back now.