Time Warp Tuesday: FearPosted: July 14, 2012
Yes, yes, I know it’s Saturday. Kathy, I promise one of these months I will figure out that Time Warp Tuesday is the second, not the third Tuesday!
This month’s topic is fear. Such a recurring and recurring and recurring topic for me! After browsing through my tags, I ended up selecting the post that first came to mind anyway.
Here it is, I’m Scared.
While it’s not a post I’ve read lately until today, while it’s not a post I refer to over and over, it’s still a familiar post. Familiar because I still feel the same way. Familiar because so many other posts remind me of it. Familiar because I wake up to fear every single day.
And I say I hate that, but do I, really? Why don’t I do something about it? I feel like a child in bed, covers tucked under her feet, arms rigid at her sides, quivering to suppress the urge to call for help that would only attract the monsters sooner.
I’m barely making it some days, but making it nonetheless. I’m scared that any change will tumble that delicate balance into oblivion. I’m scared that any disruption will call the monsters. I’m scared to my bones.
This post did not go as planned at all. I think it was never meant to go as planned anyway. But I don’t think I know what the plan was. I think it was something along the lines of how I’ve faced my fears instead of letting them consume me, but while I have faced some, more continued to pile on until I can’t always see my way out anymore.
So no, not much has changed from that post to this; I still try to tell myself to buck up, buttercup, and I still feel guilty for the days I remain paralyzed in bed, waiting to be eaten.
Ugh, how depressing.