Time Warp Tuesday: MotheringPosted: May 8, 2012
It’s been a long time since I participated in a Time Warp Tuesday, but I was just thinking I should go check to see what this month’s topic is, when posts started popping up in my inbox. It’s been a winding road for me to really get back into the swing of things around here, but since she started it, I’ve always loved, if not participating, reading everyone else’s take on each topic for Kathy’s brainchild.
And this week it’s ‘mothering.’
I did start out wondering just how many posts I’ve published that relate to the subject at hand. I know I’ve posted a few about my own mother, but it turns out not so many about my own mothering, of a child, at least, and that’s what I wanted to talk about.
So I found this.
What strikes me the most now about this post, aside from how much huger our little baby’s become, is how my own feelings have changed so much, in direct proportion to Abby’s verbosity.
It’s been a long time since I felt the need to articulate, even to myself, the feeling that I’m not a mother. Okay, a long time to me, but still, at least a couple of months.
All the feeding and bathing and dressing in the world never stopped me from feeling that way before, but a constant barrage of ‘Mom!’ has made all the difference. Mom, look, Mom, help, Mom, I want! It’s validation from the only person who can really make me mom.
Two days ago at the grocery store, we saw another mom and her baby at the deli counter. Side note: I suck at small talk, always. After a few sentences, other mom announced her tiny 15 month old’s birth weight and length, and asked Abby’s. I realize now it would have been entertaining to add ‘I wasn’t there’ after the ‘I don’t know,’ but just the ‘I don’t know’ stumped her enough to stop talking to me.
Looking back, I can say without a doubt that last year, I would have spent at least half an hour crying over that encounter. But really, to what end? Who cares about a birthweight? Who cares about some stranger in a grocery store? I did, but I don’t anymore.
A year ago, the three of us ran into an old high school friend of mine at the same grocery store (we only have the one), who remarked that she hadn’t known I was pregnant. I held it together long enough to respond that I’d never been pregnant (confusion galore!), but I was upset for days over that one. That wouldn’t bother me the same way now either.
I think the biggest change is that while the situation is almost exactly the same as it was a year ago, I feel a thousand times the mother I did then. Nothing can take away the number of times I’ve already heard ‘Mom, look!’ today. That’s what matters.