This Lacuna Comes Uncoiled

I know, I know, I’ve been gone a while, and I crapped out on the March Photo Challenge and most of ICLW. But everybody loves excuses, right? They’re like parfait. Plus, I like the word ‘lacuna.’

It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad past few weeks. Are things any better now? Maybe, kind of, I guess, some of them. Some are as bad as ever, some are worse.

I’m two week waiting right now, after my first round of letrozole, that I was in the midst of taking during our first trip to court for custody. I only had a few hot flashes and four days of bone pain, so I’ll vote that it’s better than Clomid.

Oh yes, court. The only thing we got resolved so far is that she can’t refuse to let us see our baby anymore like she did for over three months, which, I’ll admit, is at least a start.

Maybe schools could add a bit to sex ed, take a day to explain that children are not weapons, that when you refuse to settle custody agreeably, the only people who profit are lawyers and social workers. Boy, do they profit!

Obviously, there’s a lot more to it, but I’m not really willing to share much more here until everything is worked out, which will be at least a few more months.

So I’ve been breaking out in hives almost daily, occasionally from heat, mostly from stress. I’ve woken up screaming from nightmares every single night for three weeks straight, but that finally seems to be winding down.

I applied for a job yesterday, kind of. Okay, I wrote down my name and phone number for the owner of a snow cone stand. I love snow cones. Plus I’d get to be in a little box all day by myself. Could it get any better?

I’ve tried to write, I’ve opened blank posts and stared at them, but just closed them again without a single word. I have been reading and thinking about all of you, but it’s been too hard to comment.

I hope I can do some catching up and get back to posting soon. I owe strugglingwithbipolar a post, at the very least.

Right now, there’s not much else to do besides keep on keepin’ on, make sure we take care of daughter the best we can when we do have her, and pee on a stick…on our anniversary.

8 Comments on “This Lacuna Comes Uncoiled”

  1. tigger62077 says:

    *hugs* I know it’s gotta be rough, and I know what it’s like to WANT to post but…no. I’m glad that the courts ordered her not to withhold your daughter – I loathe when people use children as pawns and the courts let them. *more hugs* I’m glad you’re writing, or trying to get back to it. You know you can email me if you need to. 🙂

  2. I love you hon! Glad to see you back. Big Hugz!

  3. Bone pain? Sheesh, I can’t blame you for being overwhelmed. I’ve been thinking about you a lot and wondering how things have been. I missed your internet presence!

    • aprilvak says:

      Yeah, I had to get the freaking bone pain instead of nausea or something else more pleasant. But it was just right collarbone and left foot, and not too bad.

      I’m so glad everybody’s home there and all PhD’d up!!

  4. jjiraffe says:

    I missed your posts! And I am sorry you are dealing with custody stuff…sending (((hugs))).

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