I Am a Worrywart

So many things have gone wrong for me that I’m afraid to believe that anything could possibly go right.

Case in point, the car. We found it Wednesday, test drove it, checked it out, but the check my mom sent to help us out was on hold until Thursday, so we couldn’t buy it then. We stopped at Big Lots later, and my husband was about to put a steering wheel cover in the shopping cart when I completely freaked out.

‘You can’t buy that! We don’t have a car! It’s bad luck!!’

You will notice I said a car, not the car, and certainly not our car, because those would have been bad luck too, our car being worst of all.

Maybe a tad excessive, but I just knew that if he got that steering wheel cover, our car would be sold that afternoon, and we’d be left empty handed again.

Then Thursday morning, between the bank and the dealership, cash in my hand, when he asked if I was excited, I truthfully answered that I wasn’t. I felt better because we finally had the money, but there was still the huge fear that someone else had come in and offered more than we did. The money was a safety net; if he had sold our car to someone else, we could find another one promptly.

And the panic when my husband wanted to haggle now that we had the cash in hand! Surely he would laugh and tell us to leave.

Even when the paperwork was nearly finished, I still couldn’t let the doubt go. I mean, you never know, right? A plane could fall out of the sky onto the lot.

I have a serious problem with making contingency plans. I can’t help myself. If you think it’s incredibly unlikely, I’ve already thought out how it will affect the rest of my life, and probably everyone else’s as well. And yet, somehow I miss planning for the things that actually do happen.

So guess what happened Friday night? The check engine light came on. How awesome is that? Then I had to plan for how the car salesman would laugh in our faces the next morning when we told him we needed a fan clutch. Because things couldn’t possibly go well. I couldn’t dream of that.

And yet, they did. He had the part delivered to him and dropped it off with my husband on his way home, because my husband would rather replace it himself. That’s how he rolls.

It’s okay, though, I can still worry that his dad will either forget to bring his toolbox when he comes to town Wednesday, or that something will happen and he won’t be able to come to town anyway.

I can’t help borrowing trouble.

11 Comments on “I Am a Worrywart”

  1. Lori says:

    Bless your heart. From a (trying to be reformed) worry-wart to another, I get you.

    And…I’ll just let you know that we HAVE totally lived through the worst. My first son died, after 10 years of IF and a perfect IVF cycle and pregnancy, due to some very, very, very rare labor complication. My sister-in-law said, “You know, you always expect the worst to happen. Maybe it’s because it always does.”

    Yep. Finally, someone got it.

    But I have to say….I’ve learned in the last two years, if I worry about something, and then it doesn’t happen, I’ve still had to live through the hell of if because I worried so much it was like it WAS happening. So…I try to just wait and worry until I NEED to. Like you, I worry to make plans…a plan for EVERYTHING saves me from worrying, but really…there are some things you just simply CANNOT make plans for, and since that’s the case, I might as well just save myself the worry for a lot of other things too.

    And it helps!

    Best wishes. I know it’s hard. Try to be gentle with yourself!
    ICLW 99

    • aprilvak says:

      I’m so sorry for your loss, Lori.

      Don’t I just know there are some things you can’t plan for! I am trying, and hopefully some things will be changing soon.

      Thank you for such an insightful comment!

  2. Tigger says:

    You are SO not alone! Mom always used to tell me that my plans had plans. I have backups for my backups! The way I look at it, if I try to prepare for everything, I won’t be so thrown when something DOES happen that others don’t necessarily expect. I have a PLAN on how to deal with it. I’m a control freak, so the illusion of control is important. (Mom also used to say that if I didn’t have something to worry about, I’d find something. Totally true!)

    I’m very very glad that the car has worked out. *knock on wood*

  3. Sarah says:

    Oh gosh, I am not a worrywort, so this blows my mind! I am of the “it will always work out…it’s just a mystery how!” camp. It isn’t the best place to live, but it sure is peaceful right up until the shit hits the fan 🙂

    ICLW #108

    • aprilvak says:

      Lol, I married an ‘it’ll work out!’ I really used to be like that too, but I guess the shit hit the fan one too many times.

      • Tigger says:

        Husband is the same way. His favorite phrases are “why worry about it until we have to?” and “just let it go like water off a ducks back”. I think we HAVE to marry people like that when we are worriers because if we didn’t, nothing would get accomplished!!

      • aprilvak says:

        Here is what that makes me think of: we were going somewhere, and the truck starts making this noise like it has a flat. Hubby says ‘just keep going, it’ll stop.’ It stopped…when the ball joint broke half a mile further down the interstate.

  4. Sheesh! Don’t yell at me for saying this, but take a few deep breaths and try to calm down. In and out, in and out. That is what I gotta do. Hang in there. Text me anytime!

    I used to worry about everything. I have gotten better especially with letting others deal with and worry about their own things. If I can keep out of it then I tell myself it’s not my problem and I don’t worry.

  5. I am also a worrier. So much so that I wrote a book on it to see if doing the research would help. Indeed, it does. But I’m a work-in-progress. You may want to check out my book; I still do. It’s called THE WORRYWART’S PRAYER BOOK. It’s filled with Scripture, affirmations, anecdotes, and prayers to help worrywarts get off the worry-go-round and trust God more. My favorite: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.” Psalm 46:1, 2. My husband coined a phrase I use in the book and it reads, “Let there be no crisis before its time.”

    I also have a blog (and I worry that I don’t keep it current enough), called THE WORRYWART’S CORNER, which might help worriers. Meantime, remember, God’s in charge so give all your worries to Him. He’s the only one Who can make any sense of them.

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