New Year’s Day

The coming of a new year has always had me hopeful…until it gets here. Every year I hope I’ll wake up and be hopeful and excited about the blank slate I have for another year of my life.

And every year it’s just the day that followed yesterday.

It’s like growing up. When you’re a kid, you think it’s like some magical switch, you turn a certain age, and bam! You feel like a responsible adult. But I still feel the same.

It’s like hair color. You find the perfect shade, and somehow expect to have to great hair you never had before. But it still has to same refusal to look magazine worthy for more than five minutes. Same hair, different color.

New Year’s Day is depressing for me. It’s the same problems I couldn’t fix last year, but all at once. Not that they don’t all interlock anyway.

I need meaning and purpose to my life, and I just haven’t found any yet. I signed up for NaBloPoMo yesterday, maybe that will give me some help. I tend to follow through a little better when I announce my plans.

When I have more I’ll announce them.

Maybe that’ll be soon.

7 Comments on “New Year’s Day”

  1. Kendra says:

    I was just having this convo with a friend the other day. Will there be a day when I say, “Ah! This is what it is like to be a grownup! This is the life I’ve been waiting for”? Or is the point that every day is a blank slate (not just Jan1) and we need to make every day the life we want it to be. And if that is the case, how can one create the life that they want when the one thing we want is to be mothers and we’re unable to do so? I’m right there with you changing my hair, makeup, wardrobe, engaging in new hobbies, but the fact remains that something is missing. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve made huge leaps (I’m definitely better off than I was a year ago), but will there be a point when I can say, “This is my life!” with full confidence, no twinges of pain, no seeking, just steady satisfaction? I really hope that you find the satisfaction and purpose that you’re looking for in 2012.

  2. I know exactly what you mean by not feeling like a responsible adult yet. I sometimes feel like I am just playing house. When is it going to feel like my life, the life I thought should me mine? I am looking forward to reading your posts every day. I hope you find your purpose soon.

  3. I wonder every day when I’ll feel like a real adult. Maybe someday.

  4. […] years ago, my first New Year’s Day at this blog, I was stagnant. And there, finally, I do recognize myself; not because I’m the same, but because today so […]

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