Some Closure

Today we brought the car back to the dealer and said, hey, can’t pay for this, here’s the keys.

It is a little annoying that we didn’t have that much left to pay on it. Actually, so little that they’re not going to sue for the balance and are reporting all the payments we did make, so that’s good. But I have something now that’s much more important to me than that.

I have a little more peace of mind. It feels like one of the knots that have been twisting around inside my stomach for the past two years has loosened.

You see, that money pit of a car came to symbolize for me everything that went wrong in our marriage.

We should have read the writing on the wall when it took them two whole weeks to fix the dash lights that didn’t come on with the headlights. When one thing went wrong, we threw a little money or effort at it and moved on without true resolution. When the next thing went wrong, we did the same thing.

And I was never really able to get over the fact that this was the car he drove to her house.

I have hated the sight of this car for two years and three months. I have hated driving it and riding in it. I have hated knowing that it’s parked outside my house, like a badge of shame. I have hated other people knowing that it’s ours.

That car is gone. That marriage is gone. And we’ve replaced them both with something better.

I know I’ve said before that I’m superstitious, but really, what’s the harm in a little superstition? If it makes me feel better that we’re buying this new car from a friend that beat infertility, what’s wrong with that? If it makes me feel better that this new car reminds me of my truck, something that truly gave me some joy in my life, what’s wrong with that?

Nothing at all.

11 Comments on “Some Closure”

  1. tigger62077 says:

    Not a damn thing! Things hold meaning. Things are reminders. It’s why we keep some things that are past their usefulness and toss other things that are completely fine – they remind us of things we either want or don’t want to forget! So hey – if getting rid of the car makes you feel better, hallelujah!

  2. jjiraffe says:

    I so feel you on this: my post today is on a similar matter. I believe certain objects or places have good or bad luck. I think that car was bad luck. Good riddance!

  3. Justine says:

    Saw you over at jjiraffe today. Best wishes with the new car, and the new chapter in life …

  4. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I am excited for you! Items in your life do hold meaning and sometimes you have to get rid of the item before you can completely heal. What a great thing that you are getting a car from someone who beat infertility! I think you two should have a little fun in the back seat. 😉

  5. I’d glad it’s gone! I absolutely loathed our last car (his parents bought it without consulting us and I felt like it was another example of his mom dictating our lives) and I felt so good when we traded it in! Here’s to new beginnings (and hopefully winning the Sugardaddy’s giveaway! Laurie told me she won’t enter so you have a better chance of winning).

  6. […] superstition. Trying to conceive superstition. Vehicular superstition. Weather […]

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