Next week I’ll be starting an art project for my friend who’s pregnant with twins. I love this girl to death, but we’re not as close since her pregnancy. Go figure, right? Y’all know how that works.

Anyway, I’m doing four or five pieces to decorate the babies’ room. I’ll definitely be posting pics when I finish, because this is gonna be awesome.

Can you tell I’m excited?

But there’s always gotta be a ‘but,’ right?

But I’m now attempting to make myself fully crazy.

My husband and I had a talk over our Thanksgiving vacation. I asked what he wanted to do and he replied, ‘keep trying.’ So I told him that while I have no problem with continuing to try, I’d rather do it drug-free, and I’d like to get more serious about adoption instead of putting so much faith in fertility drug cocktails.

And then Sarah posted her weekly pregnancy update and I went nuts. I’ll quote myself here:

You look so good! If I was your real-life friend I’d totally be begging to feel your tummy. I don’t know what’s up with me, I never do that! Maybe it’s the drugs.

Um, April? What did you do with the real April? I don’t think I’ve touched more than two pregnant bellies in my life, counting my mother’s.

And then I got my friend’s request for artwork, and I realized something that I thought I’d talked myself out of.

I want that.

Who cares about the hours of soul searching I’ve done about what’s most important to me? Who cares that I decided a long time ago that it was the parenting, not the pregnancy?

I thought what I wanted most was to parent a child seven days a week, a child that belonged to me and my husband and no one else. I thought that it didn’t matter how that child was ours, just that it was ours.

And now I want that belly so bad I can taste it.

Biology has done me in. I almost wonder if I will actually grope the next pregnant woman I see. Hopefully that’ll be my friend on Monday morning. That’d probably be less awkward than some poor victim at the grocery store.

And Sarah? You do look really good. And I still want to rub your belly.

6 Comments on “Crap.”

  1. Gee says:

    I have a pregnant friend who is so low-key and chill about it… I think if she knew how much I wanted to be where she is it would creep her out FOREVER so I don’t let on.

  2. I love you! And even though I am usually morally opposed to people besides my husband touching my belly (pregnancy apparently makes your midsection public property), I would let you touch it whenever you wanted! Really, thanks, I’m at that part of pregnancy where every time someone says they can’t tell, it hurts my feelings because that must mean I look fat. I know you’ve been trying a lot longer than me, but we seriously gave up and had been pricing out adoption about a month or two before I got pregnant, so I’m still holding out hope for you!

    • aprilvak says:

      Aww, I love you too! And thanks for not calling me a creeper, lol!

      We’d like to adopt either way, so thankfully, for such a backwards state, Louisiana has some pretty good laws and resources for adoption.

  3. Emily says:

    Like you I love touching pregnant bellies and feeling the little ones move. I will probably be one of those rare people who let everyone touch my belly. I cant wait to see the art projects!

    • aprilvak says:

      I hate strangers touching me, but I bet I’d be so excited I’d be asking them if they want to feel by six weeks, lol!

      And since I’m getting supplies this week I’ll probably get at least one done by next weekend, yay!

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