Therapy and Breaking

Aaand here we go again. It’s CD1, after yesterday being CD72. Frick. How fitting that the day I must discard my last faint hopes is the same day I finally have my first counseling session. I had to have some kind of luck sometime, right? Because of course we couldn’t hold off just ten more days so I’d be back at the RE on CD3.

I really didn’t begin this post intending to sound so very bitter.

But now it’s only going to get worse. Because I just got done with my appointment.

I was told three weeks ago that I’d be seeing someone to talk to. Nope. I saw the nurse practitioner to talk about medication even though I thought I made it quite clear to the social worker that I was unwilling to be medicated because we’re TTC. Okay, enough italics.

And enough bitterness.

Because I realized, hell, we won’t be affording the next step–letrozole–until March when the car’s paid for (happy dance!!), so bring on the mood stabilizers, my good woman. Anybody else tried Latuda? We’ll see how it goes.

When I got all done and got out to the car, I was all set to burst into tears. But as the first two rolled down my face, it was like a switch flipped. Screw it. So I didn’t get to talk today. So I’m continuing my break until March. So what. Worrying isn’t going to change anything. I never really got that before. But I get it now. And I immediately felt better. So I guess it did some good today after all.

Now to curl up in bed with a sock full of hot beans on my poor cramping girl bits whilst I wish for my blood pressure to go down some.

16 Comments on “Therapy and Breaking”

  1. Rachel @ Eggs In A Row says:

    Ok. A 72 day cycle that isn’t pregnancy is grounds for an insane asylum, so you have my full permission to cry. Seriously. Cry.

  2. Tigger says:

    Man, I HATE it when that happens. All set for a good cry, and you start, and immediately get pissed at yourself for having a WELL-DESERVED cry, and the tears go away. Granted, you still feel better, which is a HELL of a good thing, but it still sucks when your cry goes away and you didn’t even get to have it.

    Yay for meds? Let’s hope they work, so you don’t have to try more than one drug. Don’t know if you’ve been on ’em before, but (just in case you haven’t)…it can take a few tries to find the right drug, and make sure you tell your doc person if they aren’t working at all or making things worse. I’ve been on, oh, probably a dozen different ones in the past 15 or so years, so I’m used to the roller-coaster. *hugs* I hope things and people get their acts together for you soon!

  3. Belle says:

    Worrying won’t change anything, you are right. A good cry here and there (or every day if you are in Belle land lately!) is not a terrible thing. I’m glad you are comfortable with where you are for the next few months! Also, 72 day cycles are just terrible!

  4. Krystal says:

    Sorry to hear it wasn’t the best day. Sometimes crying is what we need! I know I cried quite a bit in my time. Hope things look up soon!

    ICLW #46 Krystal

  5. Lynn says:

    I detest cycles like that! I hate it that they go on and on and get your hopes up and then leave you feeling devestated. So sorry you’re experiencing it (again). Good luck when you are able to try again! Sending positive thoughts your way!

    Happy ICLW

    • aprilvak says:

      Thank you, Lynn. This past cycle was actually the first one I had any real hope of being pregnant, but I think I’m doing pretty well with the disappointment.

  6. I had a 90 day cycle this time last year that I finally ended with Provera. That’s pretty much the worst feeling ever. I don’t know much about Latuda, but it’s apparently a pregnancy class B and it can lower your BP. I hope it helps!

    • aprilvak says:

      She told me it was class B, but I haven’t read anything on it yet to find out about anything else. It’d be nice if it helped my bp too!

      With my history of 150+ day cycles, 72 isn’t bad, comparatively. It’s just, you know how much hope I had this time around. It sucks. But at least I didn’t need provera this time!

  7. amanda says:

    I hope everything works out for you! Just think – at least you wont have the puffy eyes from crying! I hope things start to make sense at least soon.

  8. Emily says:

    Sorry you couldn’t talk to someone, but you can talk to us! I was on meds for the longest time till we started TTC. They really helped.

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